I seriously hope I won’t regret never experiencing a girl. I love him so much, but I can’t help but wonder. Sometimes I think I’m more queer than I let on to myself.
Just once.
I want to fuck a girl.
goddamnit
I’ll suck it up. I love him enough that I can live with never knowing. I really do love him, more than I can even understand <333 But sometimes it nags at me so much. What if I’m really gay? Sometimes I think I am. I swear, straight porn doesn’t even turn me on most of the time. Lesbians? Youuuubetcha.
Maybe the whole medicine-kills-my-sex-drive thing is making it worse. Half the time I don’t want to have sex. Maybe my recent aversion to penis has a lot to do with that. I mean, I’ll still fuck him 9/10; I get to be close to him, and who doesn’t like an orgasm? That is, if I can ever have a good one again…. stupid fucking meds.
He cares about me so much. I’m so lucky to have him. He’s my everything and I will NEVER in a million years do a single thing to hurt him. Just for the record. Him = <3
Could I love a man this much if I was really gay? ……probably.
Will I ever love another as much as I love him? …….I don’t see how. I think he’s my “soulmate”. We never fight, we never argue, we never have any negativity between us.
But I know that would change if we lived together.
How much it would change is the question. And there’s no way of knowing until I do it. Which won’t be for a few years, because first I have to make it on my own. I’m not ready to live with him by any means right now anyway.
Why couldn’t I just be straight?
